Am I starting to develop an eating disorder?

I'm not really sure how to start this or anything but I don't know what to do or who to talk to anymore. Just so everyone understands i dont want an eating disorder and i dont just want ppl to tell me that im skinny but i dont even understand what im doing anymore. i always think that im overweight and fat but i know that im actually not. I hate eating around ppl and at school i always lose my appetite during lunch because it feels like everyones looking at me and what im eating. Ive never worn anything showing my legs or feet only around home and i have almost always worn sweatshirts when im in public. Im 13 yrs old and about 5 ft. 3 in. Right now i weigh about 100 pounds. Ive had a lot of troubles through everything - my life is pretty %#@!ed up to say the least. it involves my parents going to jail when i was in 2nd grade (they were framed), my track coach who was also my 4th grade teacher for some cles being a pedifile, moving to a new school in 7th grade, having my teacher there being a pedifile and then he commited suicide earlier this december, and now me %^#$ing up my body. Sorry that that was kind of a rant. I cant remember not feeling fat. i remember in 4th grade telling my mom that i wished my thighs and ankles were smaller. ive had a history of depression and suicide attempts too. i know this is horrible and i shouldnt do it but it feels like i cant stop. ive started taking laxatives to lose weight and ive taken 3 today. i dont really think that thats abusing them since you can take up to 3 each day but i know im addicted to them. i feel horrible because ive started to stage food while my parents are at work so it looks like i ate but i actually didnt and then i have an excuse for not eating dinner. i ate around 185 calories today but i worked out for a while. ive started to cut too but that happened this summer. i tried to stop that but i ended up doing it again last night; its only with a scissor blade though so it doesnt make that much marking and stuff. im really sorry that this is kind of a rant and me whining and i know that theres many ppl out there that have it worse than i do. this didnt start to happen overnight either. i became obsessed with seriously losing weight this summer but i didnt want to go to extremes to what im doing now. ive been trying to purge but the most i can do is gag and my face turns red. i dont think that im anorexic or have any eating disorder but i dont know what to think or do anymore. im sorry that this is jumbled and long. i dont really even know what im asking here but i just need to know that someone can relate to what ive been going through. I CANNOT tell my mom or family. i usually get in a fight with her about everything. i tried telling her about my suicide thoughts in 4th grade and she wanted to get a councelor and all of that. i dont blame her for that but i really didnt want to talk to some stranger about my problems which is what im doing right now i guess. i dont want to talk to my friends about it either because theyll think im a freak. i know that i need help though so plz anything will. Thank you to anyone who read this and wants to help.